Confessions of a GK builder

I usually don’t talk much about myself except for when I go to conventions or even post a personal opinion of something, but I decided to open up a little as “one time” thing.

I’ve recently encountered a person who was a total ass to myself and then told the internet that I was jealous of his work because I deleted and banned him from posting over at a GK group I manage on facebook  because he continuously kept braking the rules. I won’t really go into details of what happened but I can say that due to his actions, the whole GK community I share time with got the news and stood up for me against what this guy was saying of me and along the way, he ruined his reputation with community for all the crap he said that wasn’t true (if you ask me that was a quick way to shoot yourself in the face).

This situation got me thinking of many things, from how I started this hobby, to the video tutorials I make and all the people I have interacted with over the years.

Let me tell you a little bit about my beginnings in this hobby…

It was 2006 and my boyfriend of 6+ years was dumping me after a long relationship, we started going out in 2000, and before that we knew each other since jr. high from 3 years before that, in other words, we had known each other since 1996, he was the one to actually confess that he was in love with me at that time, we had a great friendship before that, we would talk every day over the phone after he graduated from jr high as he was 2 years above me, the topic to always take about to start the conversation? Sailor Moon, I use to collect a lot of SM comics, mangas and merchandise so he would have that excuse to call me and ask “Hey have you purchased the new SM comic this week?” and from then one we just spoke about life, school, dreams etc.

We had a great relationship  for the first 3 years, the one thing that we shared the most was our love for Sailor Moon, it was awesome… but then it all went downhill after that, he began to cheat on me with someone I knew, at first I was in denial because I was still in love with him and still loved him a lot, he wanted to break up but to me, the relationship was just fine, I was blind to see what was actually happening, even though we were still together, the relationship was horrible, he would tell me all sorts of lies, he would brake his promises and he didn’t want to plan to get married… yet he was the one who brought it up before when we OK… I tried desperately to keep us together, I would think of things to “get that spark” back into the relationship, the only thing I would think of was getting Sailor Moon stuff to help him remember what it was like at the beginning of the relationship.

I went online to find a SM limited edition poster, Usagi’s Engagement ring and an eternal sailor moon figure I found but it was unpainted and in pieces… I had previous experience painting ceramics with my aunt years back and really liked the activity, so I though that it wasn’t going to be that hard to paint it.

Before my figure arrived, my boyfriend left me completely, we had a very horrible breakup and it left me miserable and extremely sad to the point of drowning in the greatest depression of my life.

I had left home at the age of 17… I would have left in another time but due to problems with my family back then… ever since that, I had lived on my own, renting apartments here and there, working from a very young age to be able to finish school and pay for rent, since I lived alone, I felt so alone that I thought I was the only person left of earth. I went back home to my mom’s only to find her full support and comfort (she always  blamed my bf for me leaving home) I was hesitant to go back because of that, but she received me with open arms.

I had quit my job and left to live at my mom’s place for a few weeks, I was depressed every day, all day long for 3 months straight, I had saved enough money because one of our plans was to travel to Japan together, I had just finished saving for the trip… with him gone, I used that money to survive while unemployed.

When I was strong enough to go back to my apartment, I had that SM gk on my table, my mom told me to find a hobby to help me pass the pain, so I purchased some hobby paints and started to work on my first ever GK, it was the first ever thing that actually made me forget about my suffering.

I had little to no knowledge on the subject and my original thought that it was going to be just like painting ceramics was far from the truth, so from that point on, I scowed the webs to find more info on this new found hobby I found thanks to a person that made me suffer for a long time.

Little by little I started to get more experience as the years would go pass, I would look at other people’s work and be in awe of the amount of talent that people had, looking at their WIPS, reading their small tutorials they would post in forums and building more kits every time, my goal was to get as good as the people I admired for their artist works, one gk after another I would not be happy with the end result, but even though I would make my next gk better, it was still not enough, trying to copy other people’s styles or methods… I was not happy with my work because it was not as close as the work of the people I admired.

One day I was thinking to myself… “why am I trying to emulate someone’s style? why not just decide on my style?” so that’s what I did, I looked for my own particular style to work with. and that’s when I started a new GK and when I finished it… I was surprisingly satisfied with my work for the first time, all because I found my own style to paint. From that point on, I have enjoyed every GK I’ve made since then. Finding your own style is the key to getting better at your work, because now you had a guideline of your own to work with.

Even though I was satisfied it was still not enough, in my mind, I still needed to improve a lot of things, I was still admiring everybody else’s work until one day all of a sudden I start getting all these comments like:

“You are amazing!”
“Wow you’re super talented!”
“You do beautiful work!”

But the one comment that got my attention and opened my eyes was when people started to say:

“I admire your work!”

One after another, it took me a while to digest those comments, for years I was the one admiring other people’s work, and now I was the one receiving admiration, I could just not believe it.
I started to accept the fact that my work had improved so much that I didn’t even notice it! I was consumed so much on improving that once I did, I didn’t see it, like if I was blind to my own work.

It was at that point when I decided to share all my gained knowledge over the years with people that needed it, since I had several years of video editing before, I use to direct and edit a local anime show in my hometown, it ran for 2 years until we no longer had the money to pay for airtime, so I decided to join the 2 things I loved the most.

Every single time I would look for tutorials, or videos on how to do something I would just see people selling it for super high prices and the productions were boring and monotonous, for someone who had several university years studying tv/film productions and with a love for comedy shows, I started to bring a fun and interesting new type of tutorials, those that people can see and understand even if they never saw a GK in their life before, a production that can bring knowledge and entertainment to anybody that wants to watch.

Ever since I opened my youtube channel and uploaded video after video, I have reached a lot of people, receiving a lot of comments, pm’s and even emails from people who just write to thank me for what I do, people that tell me that I have helped them a lot and that they love my tutorials, those comments make me feel so humbled, people who take their time to write, I am left in awe, I can’t believe how many people I’m helping, it feels like a dream.

For someone like me who has always been the one left behind at school by other classmates, to be ignored by people just because of my weight, to be made fun off because I didn’t “fit” into their circle of coolness just because I was nerdy or geeky, for many years I always wanted to say what was in my mind, but was never given the chance to share it, every time you see a gag on one of my videos, that is my true self, just a bunch of laughs, a hand full of giggles and sake full of dreams and wishes, now I can share that and people are relating to me in a way.

With this hobby I had encountered a lot people and stayed in contact with them for years thanks to forums that cater to the GK community, even though I might not have a lot of friends where I live, I consider the people I interact with in GK forums the closes thing to having a friend that shares my same interest.

I still left out a lot of things from my story, it would have been twice as long as this, maybe one day I’ll get myself the courage again to open up and tell the rest of my story.

There is one thing I do have to say, even though my bf made me miserable and did horrible things to me, if it weren’t for him, I would not be writing this today, uploading videos and maybe this whole website would not exist, it was out of desperation to cling on to someone with the one thing we use to share, that I now live  happily with someone new and love a hobby that brings such joy to my life.

And to you that read until the end…

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your comments and emails, knowing that I can help people, brings a lot of satisfaction.

My best friend to the left, me and the creator of Trigun Yoshihiro Nightow at Anime Expo 2009

One of my favorite memories from when I geek out —My best friend to the left, me and the creator of Trigun Yoshihiro Nightow at Anime Expo 2009

3 thoughts on “Confessions of a GK builder

  1. This was a wonderful and emotional post. Thank you for sharing your story. I know how difficult it is to open yourself up to the world, because it can leave you very vulnerable. Feeling lonely and unaccepted is painful, and I’m sure everyone has felt that at least once in their life. You are very courageous to be able to overcome it and become stronger because of it. You do a wonderful job on your GKs, and your videos are always very thorough and easy to understand. I started the GK hobby at the beginning of this year, and am very glad to have stumbled upon your site. Although I haven’t been doing this for long, I want you to know that you’ve been an inspiration.

  2. I for one am very glad you are doing what you do. I have built models for years. I even had a fairly large model railroad for years which I built from ground up. I just love to build “small” things and paint them. I have a small amount of skill and when I first found your site I was hooked. The GK hobby is new to me but I have watched your tutorials way too many times. Each time I seem to find something I missed before. I can’t understand why people do what they do. I thank you for being able to share your knowledge and ideas. Yes I do get a chuckle out of your videos along with accidentally picking up new ideas and techniques. You do a great job of getting the information across to the viewer.

  3. Te mentiría si digo que me costó un poco de trabajo leer esta entrada, en realidad fue mucho por las malas traducciones automáticas y mi nulo conocimiento del inglés, pero el interés que tengo en tu trabajo y la manera en la que nos compartes ese conocimiento es un motor muy grande como para provocarme leer completo, te felicito por compartirnos tu experiencia y ese pedacito de tu vida que es algo que seguro atesorabas muy bien en tu corazón, muchas gracias a ese estúpido que no te supo valorar pues gracias a él eres la artista y ser humano que eres hoy en día.
    Siempre adelante y gracias por compartir.

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